After a long and hectic period, you finally have a day off to de-stress. You ask your friends out to unwind, but they all already have plans.

 

So you have no one to go out with, but you can’t imagine going out alone. The thought of being alone in the middle of a public place with hundreds of eyes on you and people whispering about you makes you uneasy.

 

Youthoria conducted a survey with 130 Singaporean youths aged 15 to 35, and found that seven in ten respondents felt self-conscious going out alone.
 

“I don’t really see teenagers going out alone. They don’t dare to go out by themselves so they always jio (ask) their friends out whenever they have to go out and do anything,” says Ms Teh Shin Hui, 18, a Singapore Polytechnic student who feels self-conscious eating out alone.

 

If you’re interested in going out alone but don’t know how to start, here are five tips for you!

 

1. Learn the benefits 

Going out alone, otherwise known as ‘solo dates’, helps you take a mental break and relax from your stresses in life. 

 

Regular ‘solo dater’ Ms Jane Seow, 20, a Ngee Ann Polytechnic student, says: “I can’t explain how therapeutic and freeing it is to just disconnect from the buzz of the world. There’s this unique bond experienced with your soul when you spend time with yourself.”

 

“I am usually the go-to friend to lend a listening ear, so it’s comforting when I have the space and time to listen to my own heart.”

 

Survey respondents who were not self-conscious and liked going out alone also said it helps them be comfortable with themselves and allows them to do whatever they want without needing to compromise themselves for others.

​
 

2. Overcome the initial awkwardness

It’s definitely not automatic to feel completely fine going out alone for the first time, especially if you’ve been self-conscious of it. 

 

There’ll still be some awkwardness for the first few times you go out alone, but after a while of getting used to it, you will feel better.

 

Mr Carlin Lee, a Ngee Ann Polytechnic student counsellor, says: “Having the willingness to learn and being open to new experiences, I think that’s very important. If you’re open and willing to try, the confidence will gradually come to you.” 

 

Some ways you can overcome the awkwardness is by doing the things you like to do to distract yourself from being out alone, and choosing to sit at places designed for one person, such as restaurant bar tables, to feel less out of place.

 

​

3. Take baby steps

The top three activities survey respondents who liked going out alone recommended for interested parties to start with are shopping, watching a movie and visiting a museum. People’s attention are occupied by the respective activities and will not be bothered with someone else being alone in public. 

 

If you feel too self-conscious to go to crowded places, you can start by going around your neighbourhood alone and doing simple activities like going downstairs to take away food, go grocery shopping, or go for a run. 

 

Even the smallest things like these can really train you to be less self-conscious and build your confidence to go to further and more crowded places alone.

 

4. Avoid social media 

You may feel like you are missing out by being alone in public while you see your friends having fun together on social media.

 

“I always see stories of my friends having a good time together, so the idea that someone needs others around to have fun is ingrained in me,” says Ms Teh.

 

You can still use your phone for other reasons, but try to avoid going onto social media when you are out alone to keep yourself from spiralling further into self-consciousness.

​

5. Stop focusing on others

Our insecurities block us from reality: no one is looking at you. Most of the people you think are judging you are actually just minding their own business, going about their day. 

 

“Toxicity, popularity, and social hierarchy situations made me fear being seen alone and hence judged,” says Ms Seow. “However, when I simply shut off those narratives in my head, I realised that no one actually cares.”

 

You can take your mind off the people around you by listening to music as you walk, reading a book, or going to quieter areas.

 

Mr Lee says that the Frozen film’s song, ‘Let It Go’, was Elsa’s way of letting go of people’s opinions and just being authentic to herself. 

 

“I’ll ask you three questions. One, do you want to go out alone? If yes, two, what’s stopping you? Three, does it really matter to you? If it doesn’t, you can start to sing ‘Let It Go’.”